Gym Selfies

I've come to the decision that this journey will be quite a roller coaster ride.  Some days I look at myself and I think, "I've TOTALLY got this.  I'm gonna be rockin' that stage by November-ish!"  I usually feel this way right after a really good workout when I have a nice pump.  And then some days I catch a glimpse of myself and I'm like, "Dad-flipping-GUM that booty is MASSIVE and JIGGLY.  Julia better work some magic because at this point I'm pretty scared of what might trample up on that stage in clear stripper heels and a sparkly bikini."

To stay motivated, I usually spend a lot of time on Instagram and Pinterest, looking at other bikini competitors.  Whiiiiiiiich has both good and bad effects on my mentality.  I'm pretty sure as I get closer I'm going to have to ground myself from looking at anyone else because I'll just get too wrapped up in comparisons.  

Not.  Good.  

But for now, I can enjoy watching them all progress just like me.  One thing I've enjoyed seeing are all the gym selfies.  I feel like there must be some School of Taking Gym Selfies that I don't know about because they all seem so on point.  It's like there's this set of about 3-4 poses that ALL of them do.  And then do again.  And then again and again and... well basically their entire Instagram is just full of these selfies repeating over and over.  And all power to them.  They all definitely have the bods to flaunt it.  In case you aren't familiar with these selfies, I'd like to go over some of my favorites.  I'll just demonstrate the poses for you.  That way you can really visualize each one.  And keep in mind that I have a photographer so I can really focus on body positioning, but in reality, the subject would be holding their phone up in front of the mirror.  That part is crucial.  

1.  The "I am completely depleted pre-show" Ab Shot.

So this is where they stand in front of a mirror and with a shirt on, they just lift it up to their chest to show their hard as steel abs.  It's usually taken the morning of their show.  Simple.  Effective.  We see that you are definitely ripped.  And thirsty.  Now go drink some water.  Clearly I am not anywhere near this caliber of muscularity, but for your entertainment I have subjected myself to this humiliation.  This shot isn't usually taken with the subject making a poop face because they are using every fiber of their being to flex as hard as they can, as seen here.  It's also not usually taken in front of a dirty bathroom mirror.  

2.  The "I've got glutes all the way out to BFE" Shot.

This one is tricky.  So you stand sideways, but turn the upper half of your body toward the mirror.  Then you throw back one of your legs so your booty kinda pops up. It's best to throw back the leg furthest from the camera to get the most bang for your buck.  You can even do as I've done here and use your non-camera hand to accentuate the buns or kind of frame them.  Long marfan limbs help with this extra.  These are typically posted on Wednesday with the hashtag #humpday.  Just so you know.

3.  The Classic Flex Shot

Do I even need to explain this one? This one can be done with one arm up, or one arm down close to the body.  But the best is when they grow a wild hair and throw up the double version of this one as shown here.  I didn't really know what to do with my face on this one.  Hmm.  

*crickets* 

Okay let's move on.

4.  The Meat Hooks Shot

Before I try to explain this one, I must give credit to my friend, Kalli, for naming it.  This is THE shot.  The stage pose that you have to do to show off the buns of steel.  A lot of competitors will take a picture of this shot and post it on Instagram to compare themselves to where they've started and such.  This one can be dangerous which is why I will NOT be demonstrating it for you.  YET.  I am not yet skilled in the art of the meat hook shot.  If you aren't careful when doing this one, you can end up dangling those labia majora just a TAD lower than what is welcome by the viewer.  

And even worse, the judges, who sit much lower than the stage.  

SO.  

Careful with the meat hooks, ladies.  

Basically, all I've learned from my Instagram idols is that I have a LOOOOOOONG way to go before I can even come CLOSE to looking as cool as they do with my selfies. 

BUT

It's all a work in progress.  Until then, I'll just settle for candid shots taken by my daughter that don't show my awkward face, J. Lo buns, squeezing poop look, OR my meat hooks.

Peace, friends!