15 minutes until 2015 IT. IS. ON.

About 12 years ago I sat in my bedroom with post-partum blues from my second baby, thinking of a way I could help my husband, who was in school, by contributing to the family income.  I had a dream of starting a business.  Something better than any of the competition.  I started with a $1000.00 loan from my parents and I made it happen.  I busted my butt for my dreams and I let nothing stand in the way.  I never once doubted that it was possible even though there were others around me who had their doubts.  I worked hard and it payed.  It took almost a year to become what I wanted it to be and then 4 years after I had that very humble dream, I sold my business for 30x the loan I took to start it.  THIRTY TIMES.  I consider it one of my most proud accomplishments.  It helped me to see what I am capable of when I put my mind to something.  It allowed me to grow in ways I never imagined.

Fast forward 8 years and 3 more kids and I find myself, once again, in an opportunity for growth.  For the last several years I've been kind of a yo-yo'er gym goer.  My husband has always enjoyed lifting and he was the one who originally got me started.  I wouldn't call any period of my lifting consistent. I'd do a program here and there but usually by the holidays I'd phase it out because of my addiction to sugary goodness or because it was too cold to go to the gym (I HATE cold weather).  Both very legit excuses if I do say so myself *wink*  

I met Julia Ladewski back in March of 2010.  We met through another blog I had and quickly became  online buds.  She was a pretty well-known powerlifter and I admired everything about her right from the start.  She introduced me to a whole new world of serious lifting.  I've looked up to her since the day I met her and I gained several other really fantastic fitness role models through her as well.  Julia had always helped answer my lifting questions throughout my on and off training over the past 5 years.  Anytime I was doing one of her programs I was always making GREAT progress.  But then it would get cold outside, or my neighbor would bring over some delicious treats that I needed to partake of and I'd fall off the wagon.  AGAIN.  

Well, this past year, I once again decided around the April time frame, that I needed to get back in shape.  I had just endured a move overseas and some pretty rough bouts of depression followed by a hysterectomy that set me back in my weight to a point of feeling extremely uncomfortable in my own body.  Plus, April was always about the time of year that I'd start working out again because I'd be going to the beach and pool and didn't want to be completely embarrassed of my body in a swimsuit.  

This is me at the beginning of 2014.  

No, I'm not post-partum.  My youngest child was 4.  FOUR, y'all.

Like I said, I felt very uncomfortable in my own skin.

I busted my butt from April to August working out 4-5 times a week.  I was consistent for the first time EVER and I was proud of my hard work.  

Unfortunately, I didn't do very good in the eating department.  Okay, let's be honest, I ate whatever I wanted so I didn't make anywhere NEAR as many of the gains that I could have, if I had eaten properly.  

Enter Julia Ladewski. 

I called her up and told her what I had been doing and although I felt like I had made progress I didn't think 5 months showed in my pictures.  I wanted to take things a step further.  I had proven to myself that I could be consistent in training, now I was ready to change my eating too.  Julia wrote me a nutrition plan and a new lifting plan and I started right away.  

12 weeks later I had made SIGNIFICANT progress.  I was stoked.  I started to see that I could do anything I put my mind to.  These are my 12 week progress pictures from following Julia's nutrition and lifting plan.

After the Christmas holiday I started looking into bikini competition.  I was intrigued.  I had always thought the shows were exciting.  The whole process of getting to the point of being competition ready.  I started daydreaming about doing it and I caught myself actually considering this.  Like for real.  Really?  ME?  I'm just a 36 year old mom with 5 kids.  I'm ultra busy.  I homeschool all 5 and I feel like I barely have time to do anything for myself.  Could I really do this?  I even felt a little embarrassed that I was even considering this.  What would my family think of me?  Friends from church?  I could already hear the judging that people would spout out at me.  I tried to block it out but I would keep coming across Instagram pictures of people in their shows or an article about it.  I couldn't get the thoughts to leave my mind.  I mentioned it to Julia but I felt like it was just something I needed to talk about.  I didn't actually believe I could stand up there with girls 10-15 times younger than me with fantastically sculpted bodies who had probably done this tons of times before or at least something similar.  OH and be in AN ITTY BITTY TEENY WEENY BIKINI.  Yeah.  That part.    

Then I had a moment of realization brought to me by my beautiful 12 year old daughter.  She had joined a local softball organization and was placed on a team with girls significantly older than her who all played on an elite team year round.  She was the youngest on the team by two years.  Most of the girls were 15/16 years old.  On her first practice I was terrified for her.  I hid my feelings well and pumped her up about this "being a great experience" and blah blah blah.  I told her all the things a mom should tell their daughter.  "You can do this.  You don't have to be the best.  Do this to learn and to grow.  It will make you better in the long run.  Push yourself."  Her first practice was insane.  These girls were basically pros in high school bodies.  My daughter looked like a baby out there.  She was so far behind all of them, talent-wise.  I wanted to cry for her.  I couldn't imagine being out there with all those girls, none of which she knew, who were all so much better than her.  At the end of practice the whole team huddled together with one hand in the middle to do a little team cheer and my sweet daughter was so tiny that she was left running around the group trying to find a spot to stick her little hand in the huddle.  She was like a runt pig trying to find a teet.  As she came back to the car I expected her to burst into tears and beg to quit.  I was actually trying to think of a way to justify her quitting.  But to my surprise, she walked to the car with the biggest smile on her face.  She LOVED it.  She was excited and had fun.  FUN?  Your had FUN out there?!?  She even joked about how the coach yelled at her for something and made her run laps and as she was running laps she thought to herself, "this definitely isn't my old pee wee team anymore! haha"  HA. HA?  Could she possibly be serious?

It was then that I knew I had to do this.  I needed to be the person I was pumping my daughter up to be.  How could I tell her all of these encouraging things that I honestly believed and then not have them apply to my own self?  How could I be an example to her if I couldn't even reach for my OWN dreams?  I thought back to my humble dream before I started my business and how I had so much drive and determination back then.  Where did that go?  Does it have to go away as you get older and more involved in the lives of your children?  NO.  

Which brings me to this blog.  This blog will document my journey to being competition ready for an NPC Bikini Show before the end of this year.  Yep.  I'm doing this.  Can you believe it?  I have enlisted Julia as my coach and we are ready to take on this BIG adventure.  And lucky you, you get to follow along!

I'm sure there will be highs and lows, all of which will be documented here.  My meals, pictures, workout videos, measurements, as much as I can share with you I will try!  And I promise not every post will be as long as this first one.  Promise.  I just had to get the whole story out before we begin.

Feel free to also follow Julia on her blog or on her Facebook or Instagram @ julialadewski 

 I'll leave you with a quote I found that fits my circumstance perfectly.  

OH and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

"Just remember, you can do anything you set your mind to, but it takes action, perseverance and facing your fears."  

-Gillian Anderson