A List of Junkity Spunk.

1.  First things first, let's all bring our eyeballs over hurrrrrr ------> to look at my rad new links courtesy of my limby, fellow marfan friend, Kristen.  She was a little shiny gem and added these for me so you can click through to Julia's blog or my first post to learn more.  Like, if you're new to the blog.  Aaaand let us NOT laugh at Julia and I in the same pose.  Cuz shutup.  Yes.  I know.  It only accentuates the fact that my arms have almost NO MUSCLE.  Just shut your dad gum face, Brenda.

2.  CHANGES!!!  Changes, y'all.  Things are happening.  Here are a few pics I've taken (but haven't posted to Instagram because I'm paranoid of annoying people) to show what changes I've seen.

SHOULDERS

Those little guys had a good pump this day and were poppin like, "Haaayyyyyy!  Look at us!!"

LEGGIES

Remember last week I was complaining that I couldn't see ANY change in my leggies?  Then this week happened.  So.  I'm just having a normal leg/butt day, wurkin it with some stiff-leg deads, and I catch a glimpse of my little quad sticking it's head out.  "Oh.  Hi quad.  Nice to meet you.  And what's that?  A calf too?  You guys are lookin fiiiiine today.  How 'bout y'all stick around?  Get cozy."  

HAMMY

Okay, at first glance you might not see it.  But kinda tilt your head to the side and scrunch your eyes up where the screen is a TEENSE blurry and BOOM.  There it is.  The makings of a minuscule baby hammy sprouting.  It's there, people.  It's only like a 8 week baby bump but it will grow.  OHHHH it will grow.  You just step off and watch.  

Oh and that booty?  That's been there all along.  But it's gettin' bigger and roundier and higher every week.  If that's even possible.  My milkshake really does bring all the boys to the yard.  

Booty booty booty booty booty evrrr wherrrrrrr!   

3.  Food prep.  This has become my life now.  Making chicken, salads, rice, rice cakes, almond butter,  and protein shakes.  A lot of athletes (did I just call myself an athlete?) food prep once a week and have all their meals in their fridge to just pull out.  For me and Austin, it's easier to food prep large amounts of chicken and rice and MAKE our meals each day.  Especially since I homeschool and I'm home all morning, it makes it pretty easy to just throw it together.  That being said, our chicken we prep has gone from being MY food to Austin's food and then the kids' food too.  They love grabbing the chicken and rice for lunch or dinner when I don't make them anything for dinner.  Whiiiiiich is a lot of the time.  Yay for cereal!  So this right here?  This is my life.  Chicken making.

I have to admit.  I have perfected the juicy chicken.  We used to use breasts (breaaaassstsssss) but we've switched to strips just cuz it's easier to weigh them out.  

Throw them on a cookie sheet lined with parchment.

Slosh a bunch of lemon juice on them.

Add spices.

Bake for 13 minutes.  THIRTEEEEEN.  No more.  Linda.  Listen.  No or packing up.

DONE.

4.  Wanna see me squat?  Okay I'm only posting this because I said I'd post videos on this blog too and I haven't yet.  And I really don't know what videos to post since I HATE HATE HATE video-ing myself at the gym.  It's so awkward.  I feel like everyone is thinking, "Does she think she's something big over there with her tiny lift?"  HEY.  Shut your face you jerk.  That's what I wanna say.  But instead my face turns bright red and I just pretend like I accidentally left my phone over there, propped up perfectly against the kettle bell, facing me, while I squat.  Total coincidence.

Anywho.  Here's my squat video.  It's nothing great.  I mean, my performance of Barbara Mandrell's Crackers song would blow this out of the water.  Buuuut maybe I'll share that with you on a later date.  

135# for 8 reps.  As Bret Contreras would say, "I've joined the big girl club" now that I have 45's on each side.  Woot woot.  But my phone is stoooopid and cut it off.  So I don't think it shows the full 8 reps.  I promise you I CAN count though.  #homeschool    

5.  INSPIRATION!!!  So I'm perusing Instagram, trying to find cool people to follow that also compete on stage, and I stumble upon ASKILZ.  <---- Instagram name. It's so so so hard to find really down to earth RAD girls that aren't so obsessed with their boobs and hair and makeup and posing...STOPIT.  We get it.  You look amazing.  Now, do you have a personality? Maybe?  Well I found this girl and I just love her.  It's creepy.  I know.  But she's tall like me, which is hard to find in stage competitors, she's totally down to earth, silly, and has my DREAM competition bod.  

If I can look only HALF as amazing as she does when my show rolls around, I'll be over the flipping MOON.  If you're on Instagram, go check her out.  Be a creep like me.  It's fun. 

6.  Speaking of creepy people.  I must share what tends to be a trend in my gym going experience each day.  SO.  I usually do all my big lifts outside in the crossfit area but then go inside for the accessory stuff and planks and junk.  Well, every time, EVERY.  TIME.  I go into the aerobics room to do my planks or stretches or whatever it is I have to do in there the same dadgum thing happens.  

I walk in.  The whole room is empty.  I choose my spot and lay out my mat.  Arrange all my items.  Get comfy.  Start my workout and then surrrrrre enough.  People start coming in.  And instead of going to ANY OF THE AREAS that are empty in the ENTIRE aerobics room, they grab and mat and plop it RIGHT. DOWN. NEXT TO ME.  

Why.

I had to be incognito to get this shot but you see that empty mat there with the yellow ball?  That's my spot.  DO YOU SEEEE how close everyone is to me?!?  WHY.  WHY does this happen?  And I'm not even exaggerating when I say it happens EVERY.  TIME.  Ask my Lover.  He has seen it in action and it is weird.  And creep nation.  

7.  Which leads me to the last portion of this post.  I know, I'm hurrying.  Almost done.  I promise you won't want to miss this one though.  Awkward things that happen at the gym.  To me.  

*See through pants.  I'm standing there with mirrors in front and in back of me.  I lean over to grab the bar on the floor in front of me, but instead of lifting it right away, I kind of straighten out my legs to stretch and I look through my legs, directly into the mirror behind me and OH. MY. HONEY. HONEY.  Like, uhhh, there's my bum hole.  Is that my bum hole?  Is that really my flipping BOTTOM?!  I just got done doing really deep squats in the other room in these same pants surrounded by a crap ton of military boys.  Not to mention I've worn them like 593 other times.  PLEASE GOSH don't let that be my frickin BUM CRACK showing through!!  Fun times, y'all.  Fun times.  

*Box squat squirts.  I won't dance around this topic.  I'm just going to come out and say it.  I'm old.  My bladder is old.  It's in a weird position now since I've had a hysterectomy and it does NOT like being squished by my weight belt when I do box squats.  I even peed before I started.  TWICE.  And still.  Wetness.  Mother frickin cuss.

*Ball leg curls = weird noises coming from my lady bits.  Youtube this exercise if you don't know what I'm talking about.  Every time I do them, when those leggies pull that ball in, a whole lotta something else gets sucked in too.  And that something else can't stay in there.  It must be released.  Which I'm sure it is.  I'll never know because I have my ear buds in, blaring my tunes.  But I'm sure those creeper boys that decided to lay exactly 2 feet away from me while I'm doing them, were graced with a symphony of queef.  You're welcome.

Until next time,

Peace.