A List of Junk - Poop and Lovers

Back in the day when I used to blog regularly, I had a "segment" (what do you call that on a blog?) called 'A list of Junk'.  It was pretty much just that.  A list of junk that has popped into my head over the course of the week that I feel like sharing.  It was usually my favorite kind of post so I'm gonna keep that tradition running over here in this blog too.  

1.  SUPPORT!!!  Okay.  I know I said my Lover is kind of a shortcut Shawn, but he really IS a great supporter for my goals.  I can't even imagine how hard this would be if not only the kids were eating whatever they wanted by HIM too.  Okay wait, I CAN imagine that because it happened on my last 12 weeks and it sucked big fat hot pink gorilla balls.  Then he started his plan and it just seemed like the whole world got easier.  I'm so thankful that he works on his fitness with me.  <-- Fergie shoutout.    He's been doing this a whole heck of a lot longer than I have and I can honestly say that I never started lifting to "get into his world" or anything.  I made this decision all on my own and he was nothing but supportive in every way.  Saturdays are my favorite days because I get to go to the gym with him and share a common interest.  I just love him.  I also love that every time I open my trunk I see this little gem of love.  

I mean seriously?  If that doesn't make you smile then you are of the devil himself.  Two lovers coiled up together in the back of the car.  Spooning in it's finest form.  Okay, okay I know.  I'm making everyone gag.  

2.  I feel like I've become obsessed with the mirror lately.  Every time I pass one or go to the bathroom (which is like every 7.3 minutes it feels like) I have to look in the mirror.  Like I think I'm going see some miraculous change.  Like BAM! I have quads that stick out now!  Or BIZANG! Dang those traps be puffed! Or SHIWAM! no.  Just no, Jessica.  You are still the same string bean, no definition, limb, awkward girl prancing around acting like a moron.  Can I add a few more adjectives to that?  Yes, but I'll stop there.  All I know is I wouldn't do good on Divergent if I got placed in the Abnegation Faction.  

Stop.  Stop looking, Jessica.  

LOOK AWAY, THERE IS NOTHING NEW TO SEE.

3.  FAVORITE MEAL TIME!!  Okay, my most favorite meal right now is my baked chicken with two cups of sautéed okra gracing the top of it.  Good mother of all taste buds.  I'm an okra lover anyway, but sautéed in a pan over some Pam spray and then sprinkled with garlic powder, salt and pepper?  

It.  Is.  The.  Shiznit.  

Now, I'm no food photographer (or ANY type of photographer for that matter) but you have to just trust me here.  And did you know that okra's nutritional facts are almost IDENTICAL to green beans?  Well, they are.  And with all that healthy fiber I've been inhaling each day, I've been able to produce other healthy things if you know what I mean.  And that's saying a lot for me because I've never been a pooper.  Yay for poop everyday is all I can say about that.  And okra.  

4.  So, toward the beginning of this journey, wait what the heck?  I say that like I've been doing this for months.  Let me rephrase that.  UHM, so like LAST WEEK (idiot...) I was asking Julia about the whole plan and she was explaining that now is the time to build muscle, blah blah, and to just stay on the same diet for now and she'll change if need be.  Well, being the fitness expert I am (I am not) I asked, "So are you gonna bulk me up?"  And she replied, "Uhm, well it's not really a bulk, but just keep you eating good foods and building muscle at the same time."  It didn't dawn on me until today that her saying that, is the nice way to say, "You're already chubby enough, my friend.  Let's just use what's already there."  

HAH.

  I had to laugh to myself a little and enjoy a moment of some "Jessica Idiotness".  

5.  Can we discuss something for a moment?  Let us talk briefly about this little guy.

The good 'ole adduction machine.  Similar to the ABduction machine where you have resistance trying to open your legs while being seated, THIS machine is the opposite and you have resistance closing your legs.  So when they're open, they're kinda held back with a little force.  I don't think I explained that well.  Anyway, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.  More than I do even.  

OK.  

As if this machine weren't already the  most awkward of all machines, imagine yourself being on it.  Are you thinking about it?  Okay.  Now, you're doing a pretty high weight (I mean for a lightweight girl like me) and so it's hard to push those legs closed.  And to make it a little more rough, you're holding them at the closed spot for a second before you do the next rep.  To kind of get a good squeeze there at the end.  And then, as you do the next rep, and you're in focus mode, and your face is ugly because it hurts, you open up them legs to invite the world into your private space AND BOOM, you get a cramp in the side of your hip/thigh/butt area.  I don't' even know what muscle that is but its cramping.  BAD.  SO bad that your legs are stuck wide open because you don't have the strength to shut them again.  It's that same muscle that cramps during sex sometimes and you gotta be like, "WHOA.  Okay hold up, let me stretch my leg out straight and kinda twist to the side to work that out real quick!"  

Are you picturing that whole scenario?

Good.

That was me today.  Gettin' all cramped up with my legs wide open and face ugly while I'm surrounded by a gym full of military boys.  I tried to nonchalantly lift my booty up off the seat and kinda twist to the side to work it out without anyone really noticing like maybe I was looking for my water bottle or something.  Or my towel.  Where's my towel?  Oh, huh, I guess I just LIFT UP and turn around to see if it's behind me.  I'm just lookin' around, don't mind me.  Not gettin' out any cramps or anything.  

Not my best moment.  

I tried to play it off, but let's be honest, you can spot that sex cramp from a mile away.  I wasn't foolin' anyone. 

Okay I think that's all for today.  I hope I made you smile.  I do intend to continue my embarrassing stories to keep you entertained and not bored with progress pics and numbers all the time.  

Is anyone even reading this?  Meh.  Who cares.

PEACE.